It is much easier for me to agree or disagree with a position than to take the jumbles in my own mind and form a belief of my own. "Fiddler on the Roof" gave me a super dose of the jumbles when we watched it recently. Instead of giving a solid conclusion, it creates a tension between ideas and positions on tradition especially tradition within a subculture. Those of you who share my own subculture and have watched this film probably felt what I felt, that this film could just as well be about the Mennonites as the Russian Jews. I identified so well with the tensions.....

     Main character, Tevye, does his best to be a Papa, husband, and leader in his own home. As a jewish man, he plays a tough role as he is repeatedly torn between his jewish tradition and love for his own daughters. Choosing tradition eventually leads him to disown his thirdborn daughter.

Tevye: "Because of our traditions we have kept our balance for many, many years. Because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do. Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on a roof."

And then his daughters say things like,  "Times are changing, Papa. The world is changing," and they try to help him see that they must make, for good and unselfish reasons, some choices and do some things contrary to long-held traditions.

Tevye reasons with them and with himself: "No! Some things never change for us! You must remember who you are! Daughter, your idea is unheard of. Absurd. Unthinkable." But...our ways were once new too, weren't they? It's a new world. On the other hand, where will it lead? How can I accept this challenge to our tradition? Can I deny everything I believe in?? How can I deny my faith? And my own people? If I bend that far, I might break. On the other hand, can I deny my own daughter?

    This is the sort of reasoning I have heard all my life. The sort of reasoning I do myself. Just as Tevye's mind battles and tries to pick it's way through the very difficult terrain of tradition, so do we, as people that are of  strong traditions ourselves. Do traditions offer a valid and godly stability to our lives? Can a tradition that never bends or breathes with the times even last? What then can make it so that it offers safety and yet flexibility? When is it dangerous to compromise? Is it ever right to sacrifice relationship in order to preserve a tradition - even a very good tradition? What if it's a Bible-based tradition? How can I teach my daughters the value and importance of and safety in our own traditions and yet avoid the bondage that traditions can bring? How can one preserve their heritage and still be relevant to current times and honoring of other's who do not share our traditions?

    Jumbles. Jumbles. Thoughts and questions that are old ones and not easily sorted through. And I want to figure it out. "Fiddler on the Roof" resurrected the issue in my mind but it is not going to give me the answers. Tevye didn't do it all right, and I won't either. Neither did he close his mind or shut down his heart in the midst of the tension and confusion that he felt. He asked God honest and hard questions. I have some of my own to ask.

    First, I should mention that we are enjoying our first staying snow. The children have been taking their stuffed pets sledding. Abbey takes Spot (her soft dog),  Maya takes her red gingham bear from Dolores Wagler, and Ian takes his oh-so-comical-looking camel named Clyde. It always amazed me how these stuffed pets became so much a part of the family, but I didn't know we were this far gone....

    Vienna doesn't take stuffed animals down the sledding hill. She is 9, you know. She goes skiing which is unwieldy enough without an added appendage like a bear or lamb. I was sledding with them for awhile this morning and was amazed at Vienna's tenacity as she pulled herself up the hill over and over using her skipoles as leverage. She told me, "It seems like I come up far more often than I go down!" :) Yup, I know that feeling.

    Ian really likes his daddy's leatherman. Today he used the leatherman to try to pull a hunk of Maya's hair out. He succeeded. I really don't think he had Any Idea what serious business it would be or of the price he would need to pay for his experiment.

     Vienna asked me today, "Mom, when was a dissappointing time in your life?" I wondered if I should talk about teenage crushes that didn't work out (no, she's too young, she wouldn't understand), getting pregnant when I hadn't planned to (again, she wouldn't understand..would she??)....."Oh, there have been many times, Vienna," I said. Her reply was, "Well, I really feel dissappointed when I think I am done washing dishes but when I swish through the sink I discover a bunch of silverware there." Yeah.

      As I looked around the room, I felt like I was a foreigner in a country somewhere across the globe. The cafeteria was full of teenagers sitting around tables and these teenagers were laughing, kissing, slouching, eating, and listening to a bunch of different artists read poems and play music. Andrew, Vienna, Jordan, and I were a little island (two of the few adults and definately the only Annabaptists) in this sea of people so unlike ourselves. Atleast that's how it felt to me. It was an open mic night at Saegertown Highschool and  alot of Andrew's students were performing and had invited him to the show (a charity fund-raising event) Ok. I have never felt Disconnect like I did there. It wasn't like they were being evil and we were the only representation of Goodness there. Alot of what I felt was simply a vast cultural chasm and I didn't know what to make of it. Too establish connection with the young generation I was seeing felt like an insurmountable thing in my mind. Andrew did not feel this discomfort I felt because he interacts with these kids every day. I asked him, on the way home, how he does it? How does he flip-flop between two cultures that are so incredibly different? WHAT does he talk about with these kids?? How does he go to Brothers Meeting at church and teach these kids Physics several hours later? How does that feel? He said, "Not so strange, really. People are people." At one time I would have said the same thing. I worked in several medical offices and with lots of patients of all ages...but my life is fairly sheltered at this stage. I think I am loosing some good perspective as a result.

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I took afew quick photos of this nice family one Sunday evening.

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Last night Andrew put in ear plugs while I was eating potatoe chips. I do not chew badly - he just hates to hear any crunching of any sort. It is an unhandy pet peeve for him and for his family. When I was finished with my chips I kindly took his ear plugs out for him and he told me he likes me alot even though I eat chips. He eats chips too, by the way. Alot more chips than I eat.

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I like to listen to music one morning each week for my personal devotions. I use a headset, pull out the recliner, and soak it up. :) Last week, I listened to "West Coast Choir". Before the CD finished, the children woke up. I was amused at how the lyrics fit the scenes that unfolded around me:

"True evangelical faith cannot lie sleeping...it clothes the naked, gives to the hungry food, binds up the wounded man, offers a gentle hand...(as Maya finished with her bathroom business ("Done, Mom!") and Ian snuggled beside me on the recliner, asking me to read "Ping". Abbey wanted to know if I would like to hear about the game that she played when visiting FBCS the day before. She ended up explaining in GREAT detail, all of FIVE games that she had played throughout the course of her day there.)

"working with joy...we will go on working with joy" (As Ian spilled an entire bowl of Raisin Bran)

"All that is beautiful and all that is good in creation can not compare with God" (I see Ian with his face submerged in his new bowl of Raisin Bran. He pulls his face up and it is covered with milk and bits of soggy bran flakes. Beautiful??)

I see Maya holding her doll aloft so that a pursueing Ian can not access the doll. She runs into the bedroom and locks the door. He pushes upon and pounds upon the door, whailing. And then comes the words...

"Lord, help us live in peace...Many times we disagree..it's so hard to see from the other's point of view.."

And then the last song..giving me just what I needed for the day: "Weaving with diligence and aim, happy and true in joy and pain..finding our work is NOT in vain.................Jesus measures our cloth to suit, willing to lend a skillful hand where weaving makes a strong demand. Jesus who came to teach the trade, covers each error we have made....

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And lastly, some projects that we have been doing this fall:

cornhusk dolls of all shapes and sizes

Roman stollas. Eating Roman style on the couch at suppertime. They were worried about an eruption of Pompeii during the whole meal. :)

a day at the rink, skating and making some new friends...

Vienna pulled Andrew's old shirt from the trash can and decorated it for him.

Hannibal crossing the Alps

Crowns made from flowers and weeds from the fields